Anal play should not be something you grit your teeth and “get through.” Whether you’re completely new to it or trying to make penetration more comfortable, the goal is to help your body feel safe, relaxed, aroused, and ready.
And please, do not go full Monty right out of the gate.
Get Turned On First
Do not attempt anal penetration when your body is nowhere near ready for sex.
Just like other types of penetration, anal play generally feels better when you’re fully aroused. Give yourself time to get excited first. Kiss, touch, masturbate, use a vibrator, have oral sex - whatever helps get your brain and body into yes, I want this mode.
Arousal increases blood flow to the genital and pelvic tissues, while relaxation makes it easier for the muscles surrounding the anus to gradually release.
Your brain matters here, too.
If you’re nervous and anticipating pain, your body may respond by tensing your pelvic floor and anal muscles. Then penetration feels uncomfortable, which reinforces the expectation that anal is going to hurt the next time.
We want to build the opposite association:
Anal play = arousal, pleasure, control, and safety.
There is absolutely no prize for getting something in as quickly as possible.
Go Extremely Slow
Please don't go from zero to penis, strap-on, or full-size toy.
Start externally. Massage around the opening. Explore pressure and sensation. Add plenty of lubricant. Then, if your body is comfortable and genuinely wants more, you can gradually progress to a lubricated finger, a small anal toy, or a dilator.
Hot tip: Your first few experiences with anal play can be completely external.
You do not have to penetrate anything the first time—or even the first several times—you explore. External touch can help you learn what sensations you enjoy without the pressure of trying to “get something in.”
It also gives your brain and body more opportunities to build that positive association:
Anal play = pleasure, curiosity, relaxation, and feeling in control.
When you eventually do explore penetration, start small and go ridiculously slow. Once something is inserted, you can pause and simply let your body adjust before adding movement or going any deeper.
The person receiving penetration should always be setting the pace.
If your body is saying not yet, listen to it. There is no finish line you need to reach.
Add a Comfort Step
Before lubricant, you can also add an external comfort product like Bottom Line Soothing Gel.
Bottom Line is not a lubricant. It's a non-numbing comfort gel designed to be applied externally around the anal opening before play.
Because it doesn't numb sensation, you can still feel what your body is telling you - which is incredibly important during anal play.
Apply Bottom Line externally, give it a little time to do its thing, and then follow with plenty of lubricant before penetration.
Choose the Right Lube
The anus does not naturally produce its own lubrication, which makes lube non-negotiable.
You have a few different options depending on what you're using and how long you want the slip to last.
Euforia Silicone Lubricant
Silicone lubricant provides incredibly long-lasting glide, making it one of my favorite choices for anal penetration.
And while you may have heard that silicone lube can never be used with silicone toys, that's not universally true. Euforia Silicone Lubricant is specifically compatible with Euforia's silicone toys.
For silicone toys from other manufacturers, always follow that brand's lubricant recommendations.
Wicked Anal Water-Based Lubricant
If you're using silicone toys and want the simplest toy-compatible option, a water-based lubricant is a great choice.
Wicked Anal Water-Based Lubricant is specifically formulated for anal play and includes ingredients designed to support relaxation and comfort without relying on numbing agents.
Water-based lubricant is also easy to clean and compatible with most toy materials.
Hybrid Lubricant
Want something between the two?
A hybrid lubricant combines the easy cleanup of a water-based formula with some of the longer-lasting glide associated with silicone lubricant.
Hybrid formulas can be a great option for anal play, but because formulations vary, always check your toy manufacturer's recommendations before using one with a silicone toy.
Whatever lube you choose, use more than you think you need and keep it nearby.
If things start feeling dry or you notice increased friction, stop and reapply.
Warm Up Before Going Bigger
Your anus isn't just one little ring that needs to “stretch.”
There are multiple layers of muscle involved, along with delicate tissue that needs time to gradually accommodate penetration.
This is why I don't recommend simply inserting a butt plug for five minutes and assuming you're prepared for something significantly larger.
A butt plug is designed to sit in place. A properly designed anal dilator maintains its width farther along the shaft, allowing you to gradually work on accommodating penetration through more of the involved tissue and muscle.
If penetration continues to feel uncomfortable - or you know you want to work toward a larger toy, penis, or strap-on - anal dilators may be a much better preparation tool.
→ Still uncomfortable? Read my guide to using anal dilators for more comfortable penetration.
Do You Have to Douche?
No.
Having a bowel movement and gently washing the external area may be all the preparation you need.
Douching is a personal choice - not a requirement for anal play.
If you prefer additional internal cleaning because it helps you feel more comfortable or confident, the goal is not to flush yourself until you're perfectly clean. More cleaning is not necessarily better.
Repeatedly using large amounts of water or cleaning too deeply can irritate the rectum and push water farther into the colon, which may actually make your preparation take longer and become messier.
If you decide that douching is something you still want to include in your routine, technique and the type of solution you use matter.
→ Read my complete guide: How to Douche for Anal Play Safely Without Overdoing It.
One Very Important Rule
If you have a vagina, never move a penis, finger, strap-on toy, or other penetrative toy directly from the anus to the vagina.
Change the condom or thoroughly wash whatever was used before vaginal penetration. Rectal bacteria introduced into the vaginal or urinary tract can increase the risk of infection.
And Remember: Poop Happens
You're exploring the part of the body that also happens to be responsible for bowel movements.
There is always some possibility of encountering poop.
Put down a towel if that helps you relax, communicate with your partner, and take some of the pressure off yourself to be perfectly spotless.
The goal isn't to sterilize your body.
The goal is to feel prepared enough that you can stop worrying about preparation and actually enjoy yourself.
The Bottom Line
Good anal play isn't about forcing your body to accommodate something.
Get turned on. Get relaxed. Start externally. Use your comfort products. Use plenty of lube. Start small. Go ridiculously slow. And don't go full Monty until your body is genuinely ready for it.
Pleasure should be the goal…not simply getting something in.
